Warning! Do not read if you have easily offended, virgin eyes. The title and subsequent idea is from something Kyle said earlier today. Much props to him.
Ben in “69 Ben Avenue”
Ben, after an unfortunately painful biking accident has to have reconstructive plastic surgery. Ben is molded into pure hunkiness. He is also very flexible due to the way his spine bent in the accident. Ben is glad he didn’t wear a faggy helmet. All of these strange side effects of a bike crash, which incidentally was caused by Ben trying to shake his wang at a raccoon whilst popping a wheelie, lead Ben into the world of porn. Ben becomes a Porn Star. Ben bursts onto the scene in a myriad of colorfully titled movies, albeit low-budgeted, which include, but are not limited to: Hookers in Trashcans, The Incredible Penis Monster, Hookers in Dumpsters, Ben in Hookers in More Trash Receptacles, and Benrection. Ben wins so many penis shaped awards that he melts them all down and makes a giant, golden phallus to worship in his backyard. The phallus is visible from 30,000 feet and for a clear 250 mile radius. As you can imagine, the conservatives are not a fan of this. They send Ann Coulter to vengefully rape him with her cold, hard facts. Ben is so dazzled that he can no longer perform and is fired from all of his upcoming projects. This totally sucks because Ben was looking forward to Plus Sized Hookers on Ben in Bathtubs. Ben fades into obscurity but grasps for straws in the form of a cable access show called 69 Ben Avenue. This concerns Ben watching his own movies and wanking to them vigorously. Every sane human being is immediately drawn to this wonderful new media art form. The public just can’t get enough of Ben playing sausage hockey. Ben is, once again, the golden boy in the public eye. But, once again, Ben is made a pariah when it is discovered that he has been underage this whole time. People are vomiting in the streets and joining convents like mad. Ben, who is unaware of any sort of laws governing his behavior, is perplexed but not defeated. To keep up the revenue his parents are used to him generating he opens a sexy lemonade stand outside his house. It’s twenty-five cents a cup and fifty cents for a nip slip.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Season 3, Alright you guys!
The episodes reach an even greater length here. Trust me, I know. It was a bitch to copy these all onto my computer. Also, I know a lot of these have grammar mistakes but that is how they were written. I am trying to keep the editorializing with these to a minimum. Season 3 introduces some staples of the show, Tony Danza and episodes in multiple parts. I also manage to use the words genitalia and castration here, risque! These were all still written in my junior year of high school. But, don't worry! That won't be true for long once we get into season four. No inside jokes to explain here. Read at your own risk!
It’s Ben’s Life – Season 3
Episode 1 – Ben and the Pants Thief
A sneaky pants thief is continually stealing Ben’s pants. Ben is getting more and more furious. He has to wear 12 pairs of pants just to make it through the day. Ben figures out a plan to trick the thief. He wears pants made of rabid weasels. The pants thief tries to steal them and is attacked. Ben realizes the pants thief was really Tony Danza jealous at Ben for having a much, much better show than “Who’s the Boss?”
Episode 2 – Ben in the Land of the Rising Sun – Part 1
Ben submits his name for an internship with Panda corp. at career day. He is accepted and goes to work at the main office in Japan. Ben can’t speak Japanese and so has bad office relations with his co-workers. Even with these bad relations Ben is promoted to Junior VP of bamboo. But soon Ben’s hunky-dory life is thrown in turmoil as Godzilla attacks.
Episode 3 – Ben in the Land of the Rising Sun – Part 2
Godzilla’s attack has the city locked in turmoil. Ben’s office is ruined and he knows that he must save the city. He goes to the ancient temple of Mothra to learn ancient Kung-fu skills. Ben trains and learns about his inner chi. Ben learns to focus his chi to transform into Mothra-Ben. Godzilla is defeated by Mothra-Ben in an epic battle. Exhausted, Ben transforms back into himself and is hailed as a hero. Ben uses his fame to start a successful chain of sushi restaurants. Ben soon gets bored and returns home.
Episode 4 – Ben’s A Row Leader
Ben is made a row leader in one of his classes. He is so happy to have this responsibility. He is then invited to the secret society of row leaders. They meet in the boiler room and secretly control the school. Ben is scared and tries to get out but they threaten him. Ben leaves anyway. The society kills Ben’s kitchen sponges and leaves them in his bed. Ben goes into a rage. He loved those sponges. Ben castrates everyone in the society for revenge.
Episode 5 – Ben is Self-Aware
Ben realizes he is on a hit T.V. show and begins to reap the benefits. He tries to milk all of the profits out of his celebrity status. As a result, It’s Ben’s Life, begins failing and Ben starts losing money and celebrity status. Ben stops showing up on set and gets addicted to marshmallow crème. In a moment of epiphany Ben realizes that he is now the marshmallow crème industry’s number one supporter and can use that to get It’s Ben’s Life back on the air. It’s Ben’s Life comes back on the air with a brand new title, “Creepy Uncle Jasper’s Marshmallow Crème presents It’s Ben’s Life in Mallow-vision.” Soon the show becomes popular and self-reliant again. Ben kicks Creepy Uncle Jasper to the curb and never ventures out of his T.V. world again.
Episode 6 – Ben’s a Shower Junkie
Ben needs more reading time. He covers all of his books in clear plastic and begins reading in the shower. Ben soon begins to do everything in the shower such as eating, sleeping, homework, and the like. The water bill eventually gets so high that Ben’s parents must sell everything but the shower. They have to live on the street, fighting for food, while Ben reigns in his shower palace. Ben eventually slips and falls. He is saved from drowning by Jet Li. Jet Li sets Ben back on the right track, he uses his Kung-fu skills to get Ben’s normal life back.
Episode 7 – Ben’s Two-Ton Gorilla
Ben inherits a gorilla when his uncle, Jose Calvarez, passes away. Ben attempts to start a circus with the gorilla and a juggling friend. Ben attempts to use smoke and mirrors to fool the audience but they don’t buy it. They boo Ben and leave with full refunds. In this commotion Ben’s gorilla escapes. Ben must follow its path of destruction and catch it as soon as possible to keep the civilian casualties low. Ben catches the gorilla but must beat it in a heated game of foursquare to tame it. Ben wins by a hair. He jumps on the gorilla’s back and steers it back to his house. Ben realizes the gorilla is bored being all caged up so he helps it get a real estate license and releases it into the fierce world of competitive real estate.
Episode 8 – Ben’s the Prom Queen (Don’t Ask Questions!)
While walking home one day Ben is mugged and somehow, in the confusion, gets a sex change. Ben is distraught at his lack of male genitalia. But, through a series of hilarious learning experiences Ben learns to function as a woman. Ben blends right into the popular crowd as a woman. With the big prom night coming up Ben is asked to prom by Billy Jenkins, the most popular guy in school. Ben and Billy are voted Prom King and Queen. In a strange twist, when the clock strikes twelve, Ben turns back into a man. Ben runs home and eats waffles until he passes out. The syrup clogs his brain destroying his memory of this event and negating any chance of Ben learning a lesson from this whole experience.
Episode 9 – Ben’s Luau of Mild Doom
Ben thinks that having a fun, themed party such as a luau will help build his popularity. Ben plans the whole thing, sends out invitations, and sets it up. Lots of people plan on attending. But, Kenny McRogerstein and his gang of thugs are going to crash the party. Cut to the nigh to the luau, where Ben is living the good life and having a grand time. But, while passing around candied pig intestine, Ben is treated to a big surprise. McRogerstein’s motorcycle gang bursts onto the scene of Ben’s luau, destroying everything. Ben insults their mothers, so they challenge him to a square dance-off to see who is the bigger man. They dance and dance with furious intensity. Just as Ben is crowned champion a bad thing occurs. It seems that they danced with such intensity that they drew every natural disaster known to man straight into Ben’s backyard. Everyone is blown away except for Ben who knew to cover himself in nature’s shield, SPAM!
Episode 10 – Ben’s House of Waffles (Special Guest: Jerry Seinfeld)
Ben goes to school, lunch money in hand. But, when Ben gets to school a crazy, old vagrant trades Ben magical seeds for his lunch money. Ben plants the seeds and a satirical plant (voiced by Seinfeld) grows. The plant tells Ben how to make the best waffles EVER!!! Ben starts Ben’s House of Waffles and becomes instantly wealthy. The problem is, Ben’s waffles aren’t very healthy. Subsequently, everyone in America becomes extremely fat. America can’t hold all the weight and sinks into the ocean. The plant dies in this tragic event. Ben is crushed. Ben sucks it up and builds a giant waffle spacecraft. Ben flies it around the Earth and reverses time and buys lunch instead of the crazy vagrant’s seeds. However, Ben discovers lunch that day is waffles; Ben sees them and instantly vomits everywhere. Ben has to sit in the stocks for two days.
Episode 11 – Ben in “Night of the Living Romeros” (Special Guest: George A. Romero)
Ben decides to clone George Romero but makes too many clones. Ben lives with the clones and makes them do his bidding. But bad luck is afoot as the clones start turning into zombies. Ben and five of the “clean” clones hide in a house. Since George Romero is a zombie expert the threat is quickly and efficiently eliminated. But soon, marshmallow bunnies start eating the George Romeros whole. Since George Romero is not a marshmallow bunny expert, he is defenseless. Ben watches a lot of Happy Days. Ben is able to emulate the Fonz perfectly. Ben’s Fonzi-ness drives away the marshmallow bunnies with pure cool.
Episode 12 – Ben’s a Sellout, Even on Christmas
Ben is doing a Christmas special. He starts talking about the birth of Jesus but Ben’s agents get bored and pay him to tell a more interesting story. Ben’s story is as follows: There was once a great war between man and Christmas tree. Of course, back then they were called Devil trees. This all came to a climax with one great battle. The humans emerged victorious. They started putting the dead trees in their homes as a reminder of the great war. Soon, people forgot about the war and that’s how Christmas was born. Ben wins the Most Ridiculous Holiday Award, finally beating Hallmark.
Episode 13 – Ben is the Loneliest Number
Ben goes on a camping trip with all of his friends. Ben mistakenly thinks that they are trapped in the wilderness and eats his friends alive. When Ben returns home he is very lonely. Ben soon makes new friends out of delicious caramel apples. Ben soon realizes the error in this plan as he eats his new friends too. Ben learns that you should never eat your friends, even if they are made of delicious caramel apples.
Episode 14 – Ben on the Roof
Ben discovers a small, singing Jewish community on his roof. He shrinks himself down to live amongst them. Ben is the object of every girl in town’s affection. Ben must pick one to be his lovely Jewish bride. Ben eventually narrows it down to either Lima or Chotchky. They begin competing for Ben’s affection. Ben can’t make a decision, it’s tearing him apart inside. Just as Ben is about to die from indecision he wakes up and decides never to sniff markers and glue at the same time again.
Episode 15 – Ben Fights the Man
The dress code at Ben’s school says that Ben cannot stuff French fries into his anus. Ben, is appalled. He believes he has the right to stuff French fries into his anus. Ben begins protesting around school with French fries in his anus and catchy signs that say “French Fries In My Anus Is Muchos Buenos!” Ben sways the administration to his way of thinking. Soon, stuffing French fries in your anus is mandatory. One day, Ben gets really hungry and eats his French fries. He is banished to India and trains India into a superpower. India conquers Poland and makes it the largest, curry-themed amusement park in the world. Ben returns to his school as a sultan but is soon impeached due to “repulsive acts involving fine silverware.”
End Season 3
-B Morgz
It’s Ben’s Life – Season 3
Episode 1 – Ben and the Pants Thief
A sneaky pants thief is continually stealing Ben’s pants. Ben is getting more and more furious. He has to wear 12 pairs of pants just to make it through the day. Ben figures out a plan to trick the thief. He wears pants made of rabid weasels. The pants thief tries to steal them and is attacked. Ben realizes the pants thief was really Tony Danza jealous at Ben for having a much, much better show than “Who’s the Boss?”
Episode 2 – Ben in the Land of the Rising Sun – Part 1
Ben submits his name for an internship with Panda corp. at career day. He is accepted and goes to work at the main office in Japan. Ben can’t speak Japanese and so has bad office relations with his co-workers. Even with these bad relations Ben is promoted to Junior VP of bamboo. But soon Ben’s hunky-dory life is thrown in turmoil as Godzilla attacks.
Episode 3 – Ben in the Land of the Rising Sun – Part 2
Godzilla’s attack has the city locked in turmoil. Ben’s office is ruined and he knows that he must save the city. He goes to the ancient temple of Mothra to learn ancient Kung-fu skills. Ben trains and learns about his inner chi. Ben learns to focus his chi to transform into Mothra-Ben. Godzilla is defeated by Mothra-Ben in an epic battle. Exhausted, Ben transforms back into himself and is hailed as a hero. Ben uses his fame to start a successful chain of sushi restaurants. Ben soon gets bored and returns home.
Episode 4 – Ben’s A Row Leader
Ben is made a row leader in one of his classes. He is so happy to have this responsibility. He is then invited to the secret society of row leaders. They meet in the boiler room and secretly control the school. Ben is scared and tries to get out but they threaten him. Ben leaves anyway. The society kills Ben’s kitchen sponges and leaves them in his bed. Ben goes into a rage. He loved those sponges. Ben castrates everyone in the society for revenge.
Episode 5 – Ben is Self-Aware
Ben realizes he is on a hit T.V. show and begins to reap the benefits. He tries to milk all of the profits out of his celebrity status. As a result, It’s Ben’s Life, begins failing and Ben starts losing money and celebrity status. Ben stops showing up on set and gets addicted to marshmallow crème. In a moment of epiphany Ben realizes that he is now the marshmallow crème industry’s number one supporter and can use that to get It’s Ben’s Life back on the air. It’s Ben’s Life comes back on the air with a brand new title, “Creepy Uncle Jasper’s Marshmallow Crème presents It’s Ben’s Life in Mallow-vision.” Soon the show becomes popular and self-reliant again. Ben kicks Creepy Uncle Jasper to the curb and never ventures out of his T.V. world again.
Episode 6 – Ben’s a Shower Junkie
Ben needs more reading time. He covers all of his books in clear plastic and begins reading in the shower. Ben soon begins to do everything in the shower such as eating, sleeping, homework, and the like. The water bill eventually gets so high that Ben’s parents must sell everything but the shower. They have to live on the street, fighting for food, while Ben reigns in his shower palace. Ben eventually slips and falls. He is saved from drowning by Jet Li. Jet Li sets Ben back on the right track, he uses his Kung-fu skills to get Ben’s normal life back.
Episode 7 – Ben’s Two-Ton Gorilla
Ben inherits a gorilla when his uncle, Jose Calvarez, passes away. Ben attempts to start a circus with the gorilla and a juggling friend. Ben attempts to use smoke and mirrors to fool the audience but they don’t buy it. They boo Ben and leave with full refunds. In this commotion Ben’s gorilla escapes. Ben must follow its path of destruction and catch it as soon as possible to keep the civilian casualties low. Ben catches the gorilla but must beat it in a heated game of foursquare to tame it. Ben wins by a hair. He jumps on the gorilla’s back and steers it back to his house. Ben realizes the gorilla is bored being all caged up so he helps it get a real estate license and releases it into the fierce world of competitive real estate.
Episode 8 – Ben’s the Prom Queen (Don’t Ask Questions!)
While walking home one day Ben is mugged and somehow, in the confusion, gets a sex change. Ben is distraught at his lack of male genitalia. But, through a series of hilarious learning experiences Ben learns to function as a woman. Ben blends right into the popular crowd as a woman. With the big prom night coming up Ben is asked to prom by Billy Jenkins, the most popular guy in school. Ben and Billy are voted Prom King and Queen. In a strange twist, when the clock strikes twelve, Ben turns back into a man. Ben runs home and eats waffles until he passes out. The syrup clogs his brain destroying his memory of this event and negating any chance of Ben learning a lesson from this whole experience.
Episode 9 – Ben’s Luau of Mild Doom
Ben thinks that having a fun, themed party such as a luau will help build his popularity. Ben plans the whole thing, sends out invitations, and sets it up. Lots of people plan on attending. But, Kenny McRogerstein and his gang of thugs are going to crash the party. Cut to the nigh to the luau, where Ben is living the good life and having a grand time. But, while passing around candied pig intestine, Ben is treated to a big surprise. McRogerstein’s motorcycle gang bursts onto the scene of Ben’s luau, destroying everything. Ben insults their mothers, so they challenge him to a square dance-off to see who is the bigger man. They dance and dance with furious intensity. Just as Ben is crowned champion a bad thing occurs. It seems that they danced with such intensity that they drew every natural disaster known to man straight into Ben’s backyard. Everyone is blown away except for Ben who knew to cover himself in nature’s shield, SPAM!
Episode 10 – Ben’s House of Waffles (Special Guest: Jerry Seinfeld)
Ben goes to school, lunch money in hand. But, when Ben gets to school a crazy, old vagrant trades Ben magical seeds for his lunch money. Ben plants the seeds and a satirical plant (voiced by Seinfeld) grows. The plant tells Ben how to make the best waffles EVER!!! Ben starts Ben’s House of Waffles and becomes instantly wealthy. The problem is, Ben’s waffles aren’t very healthy. Subsequently, everyone in America becomes extremely fat. America can’t hold all the weight and sinks into the ocean. The plant dies in this tragic event. Ben is crushed. Ben sucks it up and builds a giant waffle spacecraft. Ben flies it around the Earth and reverses time and buys lunch instead of the crazy vagrant’s seeds. However, Ben discovers lunch that day is waffles; Ben sees them and instantly vomits everywhere. Ben has to sit in the stocks for two days.
Episode 11 – Ben in “Night of the Living Romeros” (Special Guest: George A. Romero)
Ben decides to clone George Romero but makes too many clones. Ben lives with the clones and makes them do his bidding. But bad luck is afoot as the clones start turning into zombies. Ben and five of the “clean” clones hide in a house. Since George Romero is a zombie expert the threat is quickly and efficiently eliminated. But soon, marshmallow bunnies start eating the George Romeros whole. Since George Romero is not a marshmallow bunny expert, he is defenseless. Ben watches a lot of Happy Days. Ben is able to emulate the Fonz perfectly. Ben’s Fonzi-ness drives away the marshmallow bunnies with pure cool.
Episode 12 – Ben’s a Sellout, Even on Christmas
Ben is doing a Christmas special. He starts talking about the birth of Jesus but Ben’s agents get bored and pay him to tell a more interesting story. Ben’s story is as follows: There was once a great war between man and Christmas tree. Of course, back then they were called Devil trees. This all came to a climax with one great battle. The humans emerged victorious. They started putting the dead trees in their homes as a reminder of the great war. Soon, people forgot about the war and that’s how Christmas was born. Ben wins the Most Ridiculous Holiday Award, finally beating Hallmark.
Episode 13 – Ben is the Loneliest Number
Ben goes on a camping trip with all of his friends. Ben mistakenly thinks that they are trapped in the wilderness and eats his friends alive. When Ben returns home he is very lonely. Ben soon makes new friends out of delicious caramel apples. Ben soon realizes the error in this plan as he eats his new friends too. Ben learns that you should never eat your friends, even if they are made of delicious caramel apples.
Episode 14 – Ben on the Roof
Ben discovers a small, singing Jewish community on his roof. He shrinks himself down to live amongst them. Ben is the object of every girl in town’s affection. Ben must pick one to be his lovely Jewish bride. Ben eventually narrows it down to either Lima or Chotchky. They begin competing for Ben’s affection. Ben can’t make a decision, it’s tearing him apart inside. Just as Ben is about to die from indecision he wakes up and decides never to sniff markers and glue at the same time again.
Episode 15 – Ben Fights the Man
The dress code at Ben’s school says that Ben cannot stuff French fries into his anus. Ben, is appalled. He believes he has the right to stuff French fries into his anus. Ben begins protesting around school with French fries in his anus and catchy signs that say “French Fries In My Anus Is Muchos Buenos!” Ben sways the administration to his way of thinking. Soon, stuffing French fries in your anus is mandatory. One day, Ben gets really hungry and eats his French fries. He is banished to India and trains India into a superpower. India conquers Poland and makes it the largest, curry-themed amusement park in the world. Ben returns to his school as a sultan but is soon impeached due to “repulsive acts involving fine silverware.”
End Season 3
-B Morgz
Season 2 FTW!
Here's season two. Episode length begins to grow a little but nowhere near the length it will eventually reach. There are several inside jokes here that most people who are not me will not understand. Let me address those: the cheesefries story basically happened to me in grade school minus the death, John Hilmer was a high school teacher of mine who didn't teach as much as tell stories about his life, act strange, and claim to be "punk rock", I really did have a friend with blue gums but no one really teased him seriously, and Del Henderson did beat me to Homecoming King one time, he was an eagle scout. This should clear up most of the confusion. These were also all written junior year of high school. Hope you enjoy these!
It’s Ben’s Life – Season 2
Episode 1 – Ben’s Butt Naked
A new law requires everyone to be naked. But, Ben complies to the rule one day before it takes affect. He goes through quite an embarrassing day. At the end of the day the law is repealed and Ben goes into a naked rage.
Episode 2 – Ben Loathes Cheesefries
Ben’s class goes ice-skating. Ben really likes one girl in his class. He sees his chance to strike when a couple’s skate is announced. But, to his dismay, the girl picks cheesefries over him. Ben develops emotional uncertainties while the girl pukes on everyone else in the class.
Episode 3 – Ben Meets/Accidentally Kills Good Charlotte or Ben Loves Weezer
Good Charlotte comes to town and Ben somehow gets them to come “play” at his school. Before they start there is an electrical fire and the band burns alive. Miraculously, Weezer appears and rocks the house. No one asks questions about the mysterious fire.
Episode 4 – Ben Deals With Teen Pregnancy
Ben and his friend Randy battle for the new girl, Wendy’s, affection. Randy wins but unintentionally impregnates Wendy. Ben mocks Randy. Randy and Wendy hitchhike to Canada. Ben finds an unopened bag of Blow Pops.
Episode 5 – Ben Defends the Ninjas
Pirates sue ninjas saying they are cooler. Ben comes to the ninjas defense acting as their lawyer. He counter sues the pirates. Ben rallies the support of the community and wins in a complete upset victory.
Episode 6 – Ben’s Bully Problems
Ben is being bullied by a bigger kid named Francis. Ben gets tired of this and gives Francis a swift kick to the nuts. Lots of stereotypical nerds thank Ben for his help. Ben ascends to the King of the Nerds. Ben then learns Francis only wants attention. Ben crushes Francis with his nerd army for safety and recreation.
Episode 7 – Ben’s Parents Aren’t Hip
The power at Ben’s house goes out. Ben’s parents try to convince him they were cool once by telling him stories of their childhood. Ben is unimpressed and starts shipping chocolate milk to Koreans.
Episode 8 – Ben vs. North Korea
Ben’s shipping business goes awry. North Korea begins to lay siege to his home. Ben has to fight off the entire North Korean army with household objects and cleverly laid traps. With the entire army decimated Ben wins the Congressional Medal of Freakin’ Awesome. Ben weeps inside for the thousands he massacred.
Episode 9 – Ben’s Siamese Twin
Ben grows a more popular Siamese twin. He gets jealous and contemplates killing his twin. But somehow, an unexpected friendship is formed. Ben and his twin form a close emotional bond. Then, Ben’s twin is eaten by a tiger on a safari field trip.
Episode 10 – Ben’s Penguin Addiction
One of Ben’s friends tells him to take a hit of penguin with him. Ben knows it’s wrong but all the cool people are doing penguin. Ben quickly becomes addicted and his life spirals out of control. His grades raise, he feels happy and giving all the time, and he even tries to join Greenpeace. Ben’s friends catch on to the signs of addiction and hold an intervention. Ben gets control of his addiction and returns to the mediocre, boring kid he once was.
Episode 11 – Ben Meets Robo-Hilmer (guest starring: John Hilmer)
The Man captures Hilmer and tries to replace him with Robo-Hilmer. Robo-Hilmer actually teaches classes and only tells stories relevant to the lessons. Ben sets out to rescue Hilmer. Ben sneaks into the Man’s headquarters and rescues Hilmer but Robo-Hilmer is still in control of the classroom. Robo-Hilmer and Hilmer battle to the death for control of the classroom. Hilmer acts like a lion tamer and tells about the time he lived in Chicago. Robo-Hilmer can’t compute this extreme lack of normality and implodes. Hilmer sings selections from American Idol.
Episode 12 – Ben’s Blue Gummed Friend
Ben’s friend is teased endlessly because of his blue gums. Ben tries to help his friend by putting stuff in the fish sticks to turn everyone’s gums blue. Everyone gets mad and blames Ben’s friend. Ben tries to take the blame but no one believes him. No longer being able to stand the taunting Ben’s friend escapes to Nanapajama Land on the backs of polar bears. We learn an important lesson about not hurting people’s feelings and accepting other people’s horrible abnormalities.
Episode 13 – Ben’s Platypus
Ben encounters a battle-armor wearing, fortune telling platypus named Arhpaxad. With the knowledge of the future Ben rises to popularity. One day, while eating with Arphaxad at lunch, a wasp lands near Ben. Ben tries to vomit on it. His vomit accidentally hits Arphaxad sending him back through space time. The popular kids, seeing Ben in a weakened state, try to maul him like ferocious, jungle tigers. Ben is able to defeat them with some strategic blasts of vomit.
Episode 14 – Ben’s a School Skipping Poostepper
Ben and his friend Timothy decide to skip school. They have a fun day unaffected by guilt and regret. They return to school to find the entire building burned down. Ben’s entire class was trapped inside. Ben and Timothy realize that they are now the most popular kids in their class. Ben later steps in dog poo and learns a valuable lesson. If he had been incinerated with the rest of his class he never would have had to step in disgusting dog feces.
Episode 15 – Ben and the King of the Universe (Special two hour episode!)
Del is made Homecoming King and Ben is jealous, but then realizes that a typo in the ballot technically makes Del king of the entire known universe. Ben flees to Saturn for his own safety. Del sets up a new government based on the Boy Scout ranks. Del soon becomes power hungry, banishing any who oppose him to toil forever in the boredom mines of Oklahoma. Ben rallies a unicorn army on Saturn and marches against Del. Ben is beaten back by a ferocious assault from Del’s eagle scouts. Just when it looks likes it’s all over, Alex Trebeck steps in and uses his re-grown moustache to calm Del. Everything returns to normal.
End Season 2
-B Morgz
It’s Ben’s Life – Season 2
Episode 1 – Ben’s Butt Naked
A new law requires everyone to be naked. But, Ben complies to the rule one day before it takes affect. He goes through quite an embarrassing day. At the end of the day the law is repealed and Ben goes into a naked rage.
Episode 2 – Ben Loathes Cheesefries
Ben’s class goes ice-skating. Ben really likes one girl in his class. He sees his chance to strike when a couple’s skate is announced. But, to his dismay, the girl picks cheesefries over him. Ben develops emotional uncertainties while the girl pukes on everyone else in the class.
Episode 3 – Ben Meets/Accidentally Kills Good Charlotte or Ben Loves Weezer
Good Charlotte comes to town and Ben somehow gets them to come “play” at his school. Before they start there is an electrical fire and the band burns alive. Miraculously, Weezer appears and rocks the house. No one asks questions about the mysterious fire.
Episode 4 – Ben Deals With Teen Pregnancy
Ben and his friend Randy battle for the new girl, Wendy’s, affection. Randy wins but unintentionally impregnates Wendy. Ben mocks Randy. Randy and Wendy hitchhike to Canada. Ben finds an unopened bag of Blow Pops.
Episode 5 – Ben Defends the Ninjas
Pirates sue ninjas saying they are cooler. Ben comes to the ninjas defense acting as their lawyer. He counter sues the pirates. Ben rallies the support of the community and wins in a complete upset victory.
Episode 6 – Ben’s Bully Problems
Ben is being bullied by a bigger kid named Francis. Ben gets tired of this and gives Francis a swift kick to the nuts. Lots of stereotypical nerds thank Ben for his help. Ben ascends to the King of the Nerds. Ben then learns Francis only wants attention. Ben crushes Francis with his nerd army for safety and recreation.
Episode 7 – Ben’s Parents Aren’t Hip
The power at Ben’s house goes out. Ben’s parents try to convince him they were cool once by telling him stories of their childhood. Ben is unimpressed and starts shipping chocolate milk to Koreans.
Episode 8 – Ben vs. North Korea
Ben’s shipping business goes awry. North Korea begins to lay siege to his home. Ben has to fight off the entire North Korean army with household objects and cleverly laid traps. With the entire army decimated Ben wins the Congressional Medal of Freakin’ Awesome. Ben weeps inside for the thousands he massacred.
Episode 9 – Ben’s Siamese Twin
Ben grows a more popular Siamese twin. He gets jealous and contemplates killing his twin. But somehow, an unexpected friendship is formed. Ben and his twin form a close emotional bond. Then, Ben’s twin is eaten by a tiger on a safari field trip.
Episode 10 – Ben’s Penguin Addiction
One of Ben’s friends tells him to take a hit of penguin with him. Ben knows it’s wrong but all the cool people are doing penguin. Ben quickly becomes addicted and his life spirals out of control. His grades raise, he feels happy and giving all the time, and he even tries to join Greenpeace. Ben’s friends catch on to the signs of addiction and hold an intervention. Ben gets control of his addiction and returns to the mediocre, boring kid he once was.
Episode 11 – Ben Meets Robo-Hilmer (guest starring: John Hilmer)
The Man captures Hilmer and tries to replace him with Robo-Hilmer. Robo-Hilmer actually teaches classes and only tells stories relevant to the lessons. Ben sets out to rescue Hilmer. Ben sneaks into the Man’s headquarters and rescues Hilmer but Robo-Hilmer is still in control of the classroom. Robo-Hilmer and Hilmer battle to the death for control of the classroom. Hilmer acts like a lion tamer and tells about the time he lived in Chicago. Robo-Hilmer can’t compute this extreme lack of normality and implodes. Hilmer sings selections from American Idol.
Episode 12 – Ben’s Blue Gummed Friend
Ben’s friend is teased endlessly because of his blue gums. Ben tries to help his friend by putting stuff in the fish sticks to turn everyone’s gums blue. Everyone gets mad and blames Ben’s friend. Ben tries to take the blame but no one believes him. No longer being able to stand the taunting Ben’s friend escapes to Nanapajama Land on the backs of polar bears. We learn an important lesson about not hurting people’s feelings and accepting other people’s horrible abnormalities.
Episode 13 – Ben’s Platypus
Ben encounters a battle-armor wearing, fortune telling platypus named Arhpaxad. With the knowledge of the future Ben rises to popularity. One day, while eating with Arphaxad at lunch, a wasp lands near Ben. Ben tries to vomit on it. His vomit accidentally hits Arphaxad sending him back through space time. The popular kids, seeing Ben in a weakened state, try to maul him like ferocious, jungle tigers. Ben is able to defeat them with some strategic blasts of vomit.
Episode 14 – Ben’s a School Skipping Poostepper
Ben and his friend Timothy decide to skip school. They have a fun day unaffected by guilt and regret. They return to school to find the entire building burned down. Ben’s entire class was trapped inside. Ben and Timothy realize that they are now the most popular kids in their class. Ben later steps in dog poo and learns a valuable lesson. If he had been incinerated with the rest of his class he never would have had to step in disgusting dog feces.
Episode 15 – Ben and the King of the Universe (Special two hour episode!)
Del is made Homecoming King and Ben is jealous, but then realizes that a typo in the ballot technically makes Del king of the entire known universe. Ben flees to Saturn for his own safety. Del sets up a new government based on the Boy Scout ranks. Del soon becomes power hungry, banishing any who oppose him to toil forever in the boredom mines of Oklahoma. Ben rallies a unicorn army on Saturn and marches against Del. Ben is beaten back by a ferocious assault from Del’s eagle scouts. Just when it looks likes it’s all over, Alex Trebeck steps in and uses his re-grown moustache to calm Del. Everything returns to normal.
End Season 2
-B Morgz
Season 1, yeah!
Here is the very first season of It's Ben's Life. The first season of It's Ben's Life is only seven episodes long as it was picked up mid-season. The rest are fifteen episodes long. Neither of these are actual numbers used by TV shows to determine season length. However, this is not a real TV show (yet). So, season one is pretty short and pretty simple but here it is. I wrote it in my junior year of high school. Here's a little background. It's Ben's Life was originally conceived as a parody of all those Disney channel preteen/high school shows. That is reflected the most here in the first season. Ben is not me, only a person you shouldn't act like. He is totally fictional, I just throw in details of my life for fun.
It’s Ben’s Life – Season 1
Episode 1 – Ben’s Awesome Pink Lunchbox
Ben thinks his awesome pink lunchbox will skyrocket him to popularity on the first day of school but instead his dreams are crushed by a bully’s harsh words.
Episode 2 – Ben’s Visit From Grandma
Ben’s grandma visits. Ben, wanting to show her a good time, takes her skydiving. This inadvertently causes grandma to die. Ben tries to hide her in the cellar but his parents see through his clever ruse.
Episode 3 – Ben’s Filthy Freakin’ Rich
Ben discovers two teachers having a torrid affair. He allows them to blackmail him quiet. He then buys as many things as possible and becomes arrogant. Ben is humbled when income taxes screw him over.
Episode 4 – Ben Meets the President
Ben’s civics teacher encourages him to write a political satire. Ben writes a scathing satire on the government. It catches the president’s eye and the president personally comes to visit Ben and slap him hard on the face. Ben cries but then remembers that real men hide their feelings inside.
Episode 5 – Ben’s Failing P.E.
Ben is doing bad in P.E. and thinks he is failing. The P.E. teacher gives him a pep talk telling him that he tried his best and will receive an A. Ben hits his head and subsequently forgets the pep talk conversation. Ben burns the gym down to save his P.E. grade.
Episode 6 – Ben’s Lesson on Giving
Ben comes home drunk on Christmas Eve. He pukes on all the presents. In the morning, he tells his parents he gave the presents to less fortunate kids. Ben is covered in unsightly boils as heavenly judgment for lying.
Episode 7 – Ben’s Popular Parade
Ben’s boils skyrocket him up the popularity chain. He is living the good life until someone sabotages him with boil cream. He is ostracized from popularity. The popular kids then cover him with trout at the school yodeling championship.
End Season 1
-B Morgz
It’s Ben’s Life – Season 1
Episode 1 – Ben’s Awesome Pink Lunchbox
Ben thinks his awesome pink lunchbox will skyrocket him to popularity on the first day of school but instead his dreams are crushed by a bully’s harsh words.
Episode 2 – Ben’s Visit From Grandma
Ben’s grandma visits. Ben, wanting to show her a good time, takes her skydiving. This inadvertently causes grandma to die. Ben tries to hide her in the cellar but his parents see through his clever ruse.
Episode 3 – Ben’s Filthy Freakin’ Rich
Ben discovers two teachers having a torrid affair. He allows them to blackmail him quiet. He then buys as many things as possible and becomes arrogant. Ben is humbled when income taxes screw him over.
Episode 4 – Ben Meets the President
Ben’s civics teacher encourages him to write a political satire. Ben writes a scathing satire on the government. It catches the president’s eye and the president personally comes to visit Ben and slap him hard on the face. Ben cries but then remembers that real men hide their feelings inside.
Episode 5 – Ben’s Failing P.E.
Ben is doing bad in P.E. and thinks he is failing. The P.E. teacher gives him a pep talk telling him that he tried his best and will receive an A. Ben hits his head and subsequently forgets the pep talk conversation. Ben burns the gym down to save his P.E. grade.
Episode 6 – Ben’s Lesson on Giving
Ben comes home drunk on Christmas Eve. He pukes on all the presents. In the morning, he tells his parents he gave the presents to less fortunate kids. Ben is covered in unsightly boils as heavenly judgment for lying.
Episode 7 – Ben’s Popular Parade
Ben’s boils skyrocket him up the popularity chain. He is living the good life until someone sabotages him with boil cream. He is ostracized from popularity. The popular kids then cover him with trout at the school yodeling championship.
End Season 1
-B Morgz
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