Another New Episode!

I'm spitting 'em out like wildfire! Whoo!

Ben and All The Benjamins

Ben is dicking around at a naval base when he discovers a secret, fancy time machine. Ben goes forward in time to see what he will be like in the future. It turns out Ben is a pretty big douche who starts wars and fries meat. So, Ben decides to kick his own ass for turning out to be such a douche. Well, things turn out poorly and Ben gets his ass handed to him by his future self. After re-attaching his ass via future medical services and searching in vain for the 80’s bar that Michael J. Fox goes to in Back to the Future II, Ben goes off in search of help to get revenge on himself for literally removing his ass with a future laser and handing it to himself. So, Ben goes back in time and gathers up tons of Bens from all different points in his life. Ben’s crack team is assembled: Preschool Ben, Pokeman Ben, Horny Teen Ben, Pseudo Punk Ben, and Faggy Glasses Ben. All of these Bens march on the douchey Ben of the future. But, it turns out Ben never got serious about taking those Swedish kickboxing and pregnancy defense classes until the future so Ben kicks all of his past asses. At this point a flux opens up in space-time purely because of all this ass kicking paradoxical behavior. All of the Bens are sucked into the time flux and returned to their own times. Right before Ben of the Now slips into the time flux his future Ben is able to warn Ben not to have sweet Prom sex during his third senior prom or he will get herpes on his mouth and then later on his balls. Ben takes this advice. Turns out future Ben was only a douche because of his raging herpes pain. Problem solved.


-B Morgz